Mistakes and Hair Breaks

After a mere 3 weeks in extensions that were added atop my twists, I could see that the weight of the extensions were wreaking havoc on my edges so I removed them last night while finally watching "Sex and The City 2". Though I had nearly an inch of new growth, I could see that in certain areas the extensions had literally cut through the strands of my natural hair. This of course was devastating. While I have worn synthetic extensions for years, never have I seen this type of breakage, especially after such a short time. I think the strain of newly twisted hair coupled with the extensions (made of plastic byproduct) being attached near the root was a fatal combination.

It saddens me to see the damage that I have done in the name of vanity, but there is an upside. During this 3 week period, several of my twists have hardened into fully formed dreads. Though some of them may need to be cut due to the breakage, this is now officially a commitment. I am excited by the prospect! I still miss my length, but I now know that if I add any type of extensions they need be by way of human hair which is not as damaging. However, I am not ready to jump on that boat yet. I have an inch of new growth that I need to address first...

For I have Synned...

After two weeks of trying to get accustomed to my new twists I hit a wall. My hair was flat, dull and well... short. After wearing long extensions for many years, I had grown used to the look and feel of full tresses flowing down my back. I felt more confident with them and had already been questioned as to why I had removed them in the first place.

Though I had been welcomed into a warm and loving natural hair community like a long lost sister, here I was wanting to return to my wanton ways. Would I still be considered "natural" if I added extensions to my hair during this awkward time while allowing my natural hair to grow to a length I was comfortable with? Why was I going natural in the first place?

The latter question was the kicker. I realized that I was feeling obligated to a community of people to stay "true" when truly I was not happy at the hair stage I was in. This was a personal process and journey and I needed to make some adjustments and decisions for self. My compromise was that I would add extensions that most closely matched the curl pattern of my twists (in pic top twist is "my hair" while bottom is extension..). I would still be "happy to be nappy" but with the added benefit of length and body, albeit from a outside source. Through use of latch hook and individual braiding methods, I added synthetic extensions to my hair. All is again right with my hair world... at least for now.

In the Beginning

It began with a twist: Taking two separate partitions of freshly washed and deep conditioned hair, adding natural beeswax and twisting them together in a clockwise fashion.

As someone who had not chemically styled my hair in many years, the decision to go completely natural (no heat straightening) was not a question of if, but rather when. I have always admired people with dreadlocks - not so much for the style, but for the commitment it signified. I understood that going from twists or braids to fully formed locks, then maintaining them was a process. If done properly, there would also be a spiritual growth that accompanied this process.

I have been styling my own hair since my teen years. It seemed that I had a natural talent for it and used this skill to support myself during my late teens and early twenties while staying home to raise my young son. Therefore, the obvious choice was that I would continue to style my own hair as I began this natural hair journey. When I initially researched the steps and methods involved, there was little clear cut information, much less photos and videos available publicly as to how to begin. Now thanks to the popularity of natural hairstyles along with social outlets such as Blogger and YouTube, there is a wealth of information and suggestions for the natural hair newbie.

So on a day, not unlike today, I decided that it was time. I began to part my hair into 3/4 inch partitions and twist. My hair gladly complied, perhaps excited for the change. It took 2 days to complete the task. After which, I nearly undid the twists and went back to straight braided extensions. I did not know the woman in the mirror looking back at me but I stared at her for a very long time and decided that she was someone worth knowing...
and so the journey begins...

My Natural Hair Journey (The Disclaimer)

As you can see by the frequency of my previous blog posts, I am not one to regularly blog. However, in March of 2011 I began a journey to get to know the me behind the makeup, extensions and other facades. Though my first post that relates to this journey does not happen until a full 6 weeks into this venture, these entries are based upon personal journals and photographs that I maintained during this time. For the sake of being relate-able, I refer to these posts as part of my "natural hair journey", but I really believe that it goes much deeper than that. Many things have come into perspective during this time. I have had to face myself, my insecurities and my ideals in order to come up with a more clearly defined plan and focus for my life. One would not think that this reference has anything to do with hair, but I truly believe that as a black American woman, so much of our identity is tied to our hair. We are taught very early on the methods of assimilation to "mainstream" society. Going against that tide (that we are often times not even aware that we are swept up in) is a life changing experience. The natural hair movement is not so much about hair as it is about finding and redefining ourselves from within.

Flat Hair???

How could it be that my naturally kinky tresses do not have body? I thought that thickness and fullness of hair was a black woman's birthright and therefore the beast that we have been trying to tame via pressing comb, perms and flat irons?

The first couple of days after sister locking my hair I realized that I would have to come to terms with a couple of things or my natural journey would be over quickly: 1) The lack of hair extensions flowing down my back and 2) My flat, lusterless natural hair. The twists were neatly done in about 3/4 inch segments, the idea being that the more twists I have the fuller my hair will be. That is not what happened. My near shoulder length hair just hangs limply, teasing the back of my neck. Each time I look in the mirror I have to ask "Is this natural hair thing for me?".

To add insult to injury, a young woman who I only know in passing commented on my hair today. She said "Oh, you took out your extensions. Why? The looked so pretty". Now if I was not already feeling like I had a bed of limpness laying upon my head, I may have had a quick comeback. However, I too miss my extensions and the length and fullness they added to my hair. I did feel more feminine and "pretty" with them in. To all my fellow natural sisters I have to ask: Does adding extensions to my hair mean that I am no longer officially "natural"???