Over the past two years I have come to realize that many of the things that I believed or assumed about people that I loved were untrue. In fact, I learned that a man that I trusted my heart, home and children with was an abusive, deceitful and crafty person who knew how to cause harm enough to change the landscape of our lives and yet leave no physical evidence. I now have a very hard time trusting people which goes directly against my natural instinct to be trusting and assume the best about people. Although I never thought it possible, I don't even trust my own judgement anymore, which is a scary place to be.
I dislike the isolated and bitter person that I have become but at the same time have little faith in the goodness of my fellow man or woman or my ability to know the difference. If someone smiles and says hello to me, I wonder if they have an ulterior motive. A few days ago I experienced three different people, complete strangers, being kind to me and initially questioned it. The person that I am has been altered to the core and I want her back. I miss the 'Village' that I once had, where I was surrounded by kindred spirits and believed that those in my circle meant nothing but goodness towards one another. The person that I have become is sheltered and stunted but I don't know what the alternative is. I need a stimulus plan for my soul. How do you rejuvinate a bankrupt spirit?
