A Change Gon' Come

I feel good today - renewed, revived, refreshed - the kind of feeling you can only get when all the scattered pieces of life fall into place and form a concise picture of where you are and should be. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but this year started off with lily as a hot mess - not knowing my up from down or my left from right. What I have realized in these last few days is that my biggest fear was being caught up in the undertow of loneliness that would pull me back in my former unpleasant relationship. I have been trying to force other people into a space that I really need time to fully accept and understand (besides, the square pegs and round holes thing is NOT working). For just a moment, I was not the responsible mother and career person who thoroughly thinks things through and responds with reason. I have acted spontaneously and carelessly and almost have whiplash from the necessary about face that I must do...and the year has just begun. I do believe that 2009 will be a year of great growth and awakening. I know now that this growth is not something that can be forced, but will happen in its own space in time. I only need be alert to notice when it does.